Work experience...

I'm sure most people remember the work experience they did whilst at school. I personally worked in a vet's surgery: cleaning out very sick animals (not generally a nice job), bathing very sick animals (not generally a nice job), walking dogs (a nice job unless it's pouring down with rain) and assisting in some gruesome surgery (not generally a nice job, but an interesting one nevertheless.)

Over the past week I have been visiting my students on their work experience placements. Each year it's the same - a big list of students and their details are displayed in the staffroom. Staff then sign up against the students they would like to visit, approx 3 per member of staff usually. The boards are usually busy on the morning of day one as people hurry to bag the easy going, hard working pupils who are least likely to be getting up to mischief or, worse, getting the sack from their 'job' and having to come into school instead.

The visits make for an interesting couple of weeks. I remember seeing one student a few years ago who was on placement at a hotel which specialises in dancing. She was quite into dancing and the performing arts herself and had therefore thought this placement would suit her. What she didn't realise was that the guests were mainly in the 60+ age category. This wasn't a disaster in itself, however, and wasn't what made her greet me in floods of tears as I arrived at the door.

The girl in question had been given the 'housekeeping' department to work with. Unfortunately for her that meant her colleagues were all Portuguese and didn't really speak much English. She, of course, didn't know so much as a word of Portuguese and spent all her time in silence making beds and cleaning every piece of glass they could find for her to polish. I had left it until 10 days into the 2 week placement to visit her as I knew she was responsible and hard working, so I never expected a problem. Unfortunately her politeness meant that she hadn't wanted to ring school to say that she was very unhappy. Thankfully as a result of my visit I managed to get her out of housekeeping and onto reception, then into the kitchen so her last few days were somewhat happier. Poor girl.

2 years ago I went to a salon to see a girl who was convinced that hairdressing was the career for her. For some reason best known to myself I booked myself a hair appointment and thought I'd let the pupil concerned dry it (don't worry - I wasn't stupid enough to let her take the scissors to my locks!) When I arrived I decided I would let her wash it too, even though she hadn't had much experience of washing during her few days at the salon. She had been mainly sweeping up and making coffees. I had felt a bit sorry for her as I knew she would like to be more 'hands-on.' I lent back and relaxed... until the water started running uncontrollably down my neck. My ears were handled quite roughly and as shampoo trickled into my eyes I started to count the minutes till the water torture was over. Eventually (because it takes a long time to wash hair when you don't know what you're doing) I escaped and a qualified woman came and did the cut while I began to dread the blow dry. Thankfully when it came to this part the student and another girl shared, taking half my head each and that wasn't too bad. I did resolve not to repeat this experience again with future salon placements however!

Then there was the time I went to a primary school to visit an 'interesting' pupil who had been somewhat unreliable and lazy in school. Most students who are of this disposition tend to rise to the challenge though, and tend to leave that element of immaturity behind, at least for those 2 weeks. This girl was an exception to this rule. She decided that the most 'fun' thing for her to do was to encourage the primary children to misbehave. She did some teaching but it was mainly about how to be naughty and get away with it! I arrived to find a disgruntled class teacher who asked me to 'have a word.' I dragged her off into the furthest part of the playground and told her to buck up in no uncertain terms.

I should say that there aren't too many incidents like these and most placements go according to plan. The pupils normally behave well and gain excellent reports from their employers. This past week I have received nothing but glowing reports for the 5 students I have visited. 2 were at an infant school and I arrived on 'book day' where all the children and staff were in fancy dress as characters from books. A member of my tutor group who is 15 and approaching 6ft went as the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. I'm intrigued to know whether he will confess this to his classmates on his return to school. I was very proud of the way he has thrown himself into everything though. He has also gained himself a fan in the shape of a little blonde girl who was follows him around everywhere. Bless.

Today I went to the Haven Hotel in Sandbanks to see one pupil working in the restaurant and one in the leisure club. Again both had been learning plenty and received very good reports. The commonest complaint from most students is that their feet ache from standing up all day and they are very tired having to work till five rather than going home at 3.30. Welcome to the real world! (Yes, we teachers DO work beyond the bell at the end of the final lesson...!)

This year there has again been the odd boy or girl who has refused to conform, not that I have had to deal with them myself for once. I know of one who decided before even trying a placement at a leisure centre that it was going to be 'boring.' He tried voting with his feet but changed his mind when he realised the alternative was working in isolation at school. There was another who walked out of his placement, again because he said it was 'boring.' Some students definitely feel we are on the planet to keep them entertained and no doubt will struggle when they realise that people really do work for a living. Unfortunately these particular pupils have plenty of growing up to do and it wasn't going to happen for them over the past 2 weeks.

I suppose the sad truth is that some leave school and still don't realise how hard working life can be. We can only be sure that we are giving each pupil every opportunity to experience a slice of real life during these 2 weeks. So whether it's being on your feet all day in a hair salon, mucking out horses for hours or serving stroppy customers they can have a memorable 2 weeks which many will remember for the rest of their lives, just as we do.

Wind problems...

School was closed today due to some freakish English weather. I have never known such a day in the 7 years I have been teaching.

There were rumours last Friday that this would be the case, but none of us really believed it since a day off that doesn't provide extra work somehow seems impossible. Usually if you're out on a course one day, rejoicing the fact that you're missing some challenging groups, you have to set cover before you go, mark it when you get back and deal with the group who inevitably presented their 'challenging behaviour' to an unsuspecting cover teacher.

I woke up about 5am this morning to find a veritable hurricane blowing outside. For some reason I became quite excited about this and started watching the news and looking up teletext to find reports of 80mph "gusts" blowing across Southern England. I was a bit worried at this point as the winds must be 40mph for school to shut apparently and I wasn't sure where "gusts" would figure in that. I looked at the Metcheck website and found 34mph winds were forecast for Poole.... 6 mph short of the target!

Anyway, I was then unable to sleep, totally overexcited at the prospect of not having any pupils to teach. I put on 2CR through my computer and found, to my amazement, that school was indeed shut. It was the only school closure reported at this time. Unable to believe my luck I continued listening for the next 2 hrs, a smile crossing my face as the news was confirmed every 30 mins or so.

Staff had discussed the possibility of a closure on Friday and how that word 'closure' doesn't really relate to us as we are still expected in if at all possible. Nevertheless, I left earlier than I have done in years and arrived to find an almost deserted site. I did spy one poor unsuspecting pupil in uniform walk by the window but assume they were dealt with quite swiftly!

As soon as people arrived they frantically began discussing the possibilities: would we be given work to do? Would we be allowed 'some' time for planning/marking etc? We all assumed we'd be around for the day, it was just a matter of what we might have to do during that time. It was a member of my department's birthday yesterday and she'd brought in a lovely chocolate cake. 3 of us had some for breakfast to celebrate our freedom!

A meeting was called for 9am. We all trudged in, expecting the Headmaster to explain how this day was to be used. I fully expected lengthy meetings and policy reviews. I couldn't believe it when he said we should stay till 11.30am then leave. Apparently the weather was due to worsen later in the day. I nearly let out a little whoop of joy! Even better there was no 'set' work to do, we could use the time as we saw fit.

We all embarked on 2 hrs of work, finally having chance to sort out niggling problems and have those little discussions with people we needed to have. Some dived into marking while others commandeered the phone to arrange work experience visits. 11.30am was soon upon us.

As I was battling with the printer (some things never change, it knows when you need to get something finished) I had some odd thoughts. Why were we all so delighted at the prospect of not having any children to teach today? I love my job and (most) of the little cherubs I come into contact with. I enjoy planning lessons and even find satisfaction in marking. So why were we all so happy today?

I can only conclude that, as teachers, we quite enjoy dealing with the unusual and having to cope as unexpected situations are thrown at us. Lessons and days at school in general rarely go as planned. Someone steps out of line (removing you and him/her from the classroom to deal with the problem while merry hell is unleashed within), the printer doesn't work (bane of my life), or the technology fails and you have to rethink your lovely Powerpoint display and start scribbling the essential on the whiteboard. Alternatively, a teacher might be absent and the cover either doesn't turn up or has a tough time so you have to jump in. Whatever the case, school keeps its staff on its toes every single day of the week. It did today too, but as I got into my car technically at the end of break, I still thanked God for Hurricane Johanna. There's a possibility that school will be shut again tomorrow but surely I'm out of such luck for the next 7 years? At least there's still some of that chocolate cake in the fridge...

Misconceptions...

I remember getting a bit confused when I was a kid, for many different reasons. I wasn't always sure how people were pronouncing words, I wasn't sure what I was eating and I certainly didn't understand the mystery surrounding what my parents referred to as, "the birds and the bees." The latter was something that they said I would "understand when I was older" so I grouped it with things like geometry, the big bang theory and evolution.

I see misconceptions in the children I teach too. When asked in a quiz which day was the longest day of the year one child wrote "Mondays." I, until fairly recently, thought that when someone achieves "tenure" at work it had something to do with ten years...

I remember my Dad eating Jelly Deals (what I now know to be "jellied eels"). I had no idea this foodstuff had anything to do with fish. This is less surprising however, when I tell you my Mum used to play tricks on me where food was concerned. She told me ice cream was "frozen custard." I liked custard you see, but didn't like ice cream (funnily enough "frozen custard" was just fine). I had to admit defeat when I finally found out it was Cornish Vanilla all that time. I'm sure you can all think of similar situations to these from your youth.

So when a student delivers one of these misconceptions I am always reminded of my mother giving me "soft roes" on toast (something to do with a "rose", I assumed...) or when she sat me down for "that chat" and I thought sex was as ridiculous as wanting to stick your finger up someone else's nose! Ah, the innocence of childhood...

You know you're a teacher when...

I have to admit these aren't all mine but I do agree with each and every one of them. You certainly know you're a teacher when:

You can spot incorrect grammar and spelling a mile off.

You know all of the top children's TV shows.

You can make up games on the spot.

You realise there are never enough pencils/gluesticks/scissors in the world.

You see a child misbehaving in the supermarket you automatically give them "the glare".

You have perfected "the glare" which turns any guilty child to stone.

You find yourself clicking at blank pages hoping this will make a child's work magically appear.

You know the life story of every single child in your class, and can recognise them all from the back of their head.

You automatically say "oh sugar" when something goes wrong.

You dread notes from parents.

You dream of having the time to decorate displays and not have to rely on 13 year ods to do a good job.

The word OFSTED or OBSERVATION sends blind panic through your system.

Weekends are spent planning for next week, holidays are spent writing reports.

You get excited in Hobbycraft!

You can maintain a straight face in ANY situation.

You soon realised that although school hours are 8.30-3.30, your day begins at 6am and finishes at 10pm.

Odd names of children in your class become the norm to you.

Also, you realise some names you will never name your own children, due to experiences with children who have that name! (Particularly true for me!)

Tea and Coffee are your life, although the bell always goes just as you're reaching for the sugar.

The staffroom is your sanctuary.

Packed lunches are a part of daily life.

You want to choke a person when they say "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."

You also want to stab any person who says the following with a compass "Teaching? That's just about learning how to write on a whiteboard right?"

You know what all the "must haves" for children are right now.

Knowing it's all about the blag.

You know everything there is to know about Jacqueline Wilson books.

You can sense misbehaviour without actually seeing it.

The sound of the photocopier haunts you in your sleep.

You don't know whether to laugh or cry when someone says "Teaching? That's a 9-3 job! You're so lucky!" - AAHHHHH!

When a lunchtime supervisor/helper/ta comes into your class to complain openly about your tutor group, you find yourself saying "OH dear, how sad" in an overly dramatic way!

You say things once, then repeat them, then ask if everyone understands what you are saying, before repeating again.

Your writing is now always joined up!

You get fed up with different news reports everyday from politicans telling you how to do your job - why don't they spend a day in a school for a change?

You find yourself using cliche teacher phrases that you swore to yourself you would never use - e.g. "pens down, arms folded, eyes front." "I'm sorry Reece, you clearly have something more important to say/be doing than concentrating on my lesson" "tuck your shirt in" etc etc

You find yourself pleading with supermarket cashiers for more vouchers for schools: "Can I please have your unused vouchers? You see I teach at..."

You start the beginning of each new term with a full set of stationery, only for it to go missing within a week.

When you are out shopping in the town of your school you are greeted with at least five cries of "Hi Miss/Mr!!"

The people you work with (aka the students) are obsessed with finding out what your first name is.

You are familiar with the following abbreviations; SMT, TA, HLTA, MA, EAL, MFL, ICT, DT, NQT, QTS, SEN, GCSE, CGFS, NNS, NLS, NC, AS, SATs, HoD, HoY... and if you teach sex ed STD.

Never work with children... and sheep...

I can't claim this as a personal experience but it is certainly one I found funny.

A group of children bunked off school to visit the local farm. Whilst there they stole three sheep. They painted a big black number 1 on the first sheep... a big black number 2 on the second sheep... and a big black number 4 on the third sheep. They then took these sheep back to school and let them loose in the school grounds. The staff rounded up the sheep numbered 1, 2 and 4 fairly quickly but then spent the rest of the day looking for number 3! Just goes to show naughty kids often aren't lacking in intelligence!

Thank goodness it's half term and my brain can take a rest from trying to outwit the troublesome teens!

Funny moments...

Teaching is NEVER dull. I've always wondered what to do with all the little amusing anecdotes I have (people have suggested writing a book but that's far too traumatic) so I though I'd post a few here.

I had one write about 'Shakespeare's well-known appearance in the Bible..." Further odd quotes from essays include:

"The Prostitutes and the Catholics often disagree"
"The two girls had formed a great frend chip"
"It goes to show we can all suckseed if we try"
"His feelings became mindsweating"
"Lady Macbeth sends all the ghosts home" (should be 'guests'...)
"We would have to get a couch to collect us from school"
"I suddenly became so nervous that my hands shook violently and I had to put them between my legs..."
"Terracotta is a fancy word for saying 'garden pot'"
"Romeo said "Furry-eyed fury be my conduct now!"

There was also the time I was playing Hangman with a group of 13 year olds (I am an English teacher after all so Hangman could be classed as a session of spelling...). The category was 'Food and Drink' and one girl had the following on the board... - - - - / - / - - - - -/ - - / - - - - - No-one could guess what it was so she gave us a clue that it was a dessert...

After much pondering she declared she had won and wrote up... NICK A BLOCK OF GLORY... apparently she had enjoyed this ice-cream dessert on a recent holiday!

Incorrect spellings are often a source of amusement. I have had 2 separate arguments with pupils about the Christmas decorations most of us know as 'baubles.' It would seem many children (or at least these 2) are convinced their parents are saying 'ball-balls.'

Ah the delights of trying to educate the nation in the art of English!

Time to do as I do and not just as I say...

So, my first ever blog. Well, the first that I have created and not just contributed to. The reason I am doing this is wholly linked to my profession as a teacher. I recently asked my A2 Communications group if they have a blog or contribute to one and I was ashamed that they knew much more about this aspect of new technology than I did. So here I am. In order to teach 'new technologies' surely I need to be active in my approach towards them?

This being a relatively new aspect of communication leads me to wonder why people do it. Does anyone actually read other 'random' people's blogs? Is it just cathartic writing about life? Do people ever get much feedback (as surely that's what we're all seeking through this process...) Gone are the days when the mass media ruled what we were exposed to, now anyone can have a voice and put their thoughts 'out there' for all to see and comment on. So feel free. Do let me know what you think about blogging and, if you do blog, what you get out of it.

My blog is entitled "Teaching's Traumas and Triumphs" because that's what I imagine my future posts will be about. Teaching gives you a never ending supply of both traumas and triumphs, hence the reason I find it an incredibly hard but very rewarding profession. So to anyone considering being a teacher: be brave, be resilient and you will be thanked in all sorts of amazing ways for the hard work you put in.

Ciao for now...